All of these things are of course possible but what I would say is that the more expectations you have of who you want to meet, the more likely you are to come away with a negative view of what speed dating can offer you.  Speed dating offers you a great way to meet lots of different people you wouldn’t ordinarily see so its good to come along with an open mind and a desire to enjoy yourself.

If you are coming along to find a romantic spark with someone then remember, meeting somebody special can take time, its a numbers game. If you don’t meet anyone you like first time around then why not come back and meet a new group of people next time?  Of course there are those who do attend speed dating events who meet someone they really like the first time.

So what are the myths surrounding speed dating? Well one of the biggest myths is that speed dating is only for a certain type of person. We have all sorts of people attending our events, we have barristers, farmers, accountants, shop assistants, IT specialists, customer service representatives and doctors to name but a few. Each event mixes together a different group of people so its really like a little slice or cross section of society.

Another myth surrounding speed dating is that 3-4 minutes isn’t long enough to decide whether you like someone or not.  Well we disagree. We humans are a complex bunch, we make decisions about things all the time, whether its buying some food, shopping for clothes or deciding what programmes we want to watch on tv. The point is we all make decisions and judgments all the time. I actually think it would be very difficult to sit in front of someone for four minutes and not form an opinion about whether you like them or not. For many of our guests 4 minutes seems to fly by which is a good indication that you get on well with someone.  Of course there are always going to be exceptions to this rule, some people warm to others over longer periods of time. Speed dating in many ways could be viewed as being quite cut throat simply because we tend to revert back to quite a basic set of mechanisms. Do we find the person sitting opposite us physically attractive? Does the person sitting opposite me share similar interests or do they make me laugh? All these types of question have quite clear yes and no answers which helps us to make decisions about our potential compatibility.

I would encourage anyone who is single to give speed dating a try and not to come along with any preconceived notions about what it is or what it isn’t. Our Speed dating events are ideal for anyone looking to increase their circle of friends of both men and women and of course there is always that chance that you may just really hit it off with someone special.

We hold events monthly and for a variety of different age groups.

Speak to inner gremlins

Get rid of those negative thoughts that make you seem more shy and self-conscious. Telling yourself that you are great will reflect in your body language.

Realign posture

When you feel shy, you tend to curl up and do barrier gestures, which make your posture seem more negative. Stretch up to your full height, bring your shoulders back and down, arch your back slightly and make sure your weight is evenly divided on both feet.

Stress

Stress can tighten jaw muscles, creating a rigid mouth which can affect your speech. Pressing the tip of your tongue into the roof of your mouth will relax your jaw and make your face look more relaxed.

Gestures

Use more open and emphatic gestures and stop using body barriers, such as folded arms and legs and other fiddling and self-comforting gestures. Stand with your hands down around waist height, using them to gesticulate rather than fiddle

Denial gestures

Combat the small little facial gestures, such as little shrugs and rolling of eyes that take the confidence out of your speech, especially when talking about yourself.

Eye contact

Increase eye contact, look a little bit longer when talking to people, but don’t turn it into a stare because a stare looks aggressive.

How Can I Look More Confident?

Use open-ended questions

For conversation to flow well, it’s important to ask open questions, these often start with ‘how’, ‘when’, ‘why’ etc. An open question is something like: “What sort of things do you do in your spare time?”This really gets the conversation flowing. Try to avoid asking closed questions. These are questions that can be answered with yes or no answer, such as: “Do you like films?”
Closed questions tend to kill the conversation.

Active Listening

People speak at 100 to 175 words per minute (WPM), but they can listen intelligently at up to 300 words per minute. Since only a part of our mind is paying attention, it is easy to go into mind drift - thinking about other things while listening to someone. The cure for this is active listening - which involves listening with a purpose. It may be to gain information, obtain directions, understand others, solve problems, share interest, see how another person feels, show support, etc. It’s also important to give feedback to show yourself and the other person that you’ve understood what they’ve said. Do this by summarising and repeating what you heard.

Engage with the other person

When someone is trying to get your attention, or engage you in conversation don’t turn your back on them, or answer over your shoulder. Instead, turn and face them, engage with them. Good communication is when you really engage. When you are talking to people observe your body language and your tone of voice. Remember to use open strong gestures, look people in the eye and smile when you talk unless you are complaining about something.

Create a ‘cocoon’

If you’re finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying, try to imagine a “cocoon” around you and the person you’re listening to. Imagine that the cocoon is blocking out all outside distractions, so you can really focus on what they’re saying. Try repeating their words mentally as they say it - this will reinforce their message and help you control mind drift.

Assumptions

Don’t assume you know the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Learn to identify when you do this. It normally occurs when the facts aren’t present to support your belief, so always check with the other person what they mean when they say something.

Antagonistic sentences

If you need to talk to someone about a difficult topic then avoid using sentences like “You should know me better”, “Why are you trying to upset me?”, “You’ve never understood me”, “I thought we were going to enjoy ourselves”. These are antagonistic sentences, and are not productive in any way and will just ensure there is a conflict.

How To Talk To People: Better Communication Skills

Read the Signals

Before initiating any kind of move, look for body language clues such as prolonged eye contact to help you work out whether you’ll get a positive response.

A woman may be more willing than usual to expose certain areas of her body like her neck or wrists. She may touch you, or display self-grooming gestures.

A man may exhibit more animalistic signals or ownership gestures, to impress a potential mate. These may include resting an arm on the back of her chair, puffing out his chest or widening his shoulders.
Both sexes may engage in ‘mirroring’, which is subconsciously copying the actions of the other person’s body positions.

Conversation

If they find someone attractive, men and women won’t necessarily say what they’re really thinking. Instead of listening to what is being said, concentrate on how it is being said
If he says, ‘I’m interested in art’. He may mean ‘I am interested in you”
If she says, ‘ What’s your favourite surrealist painting?’
She may mean, ‘Are you genuinely interested?’
If he says, ‘I love Dali’s The Persistence of Memory’
He may mean, ‘I’m trying really hard here because you’re hot’
If she says ‘I’ve got that on my bedroom wall’
She may mean ‘I want you to see it

If the woman is making the first move

The male form is majestic, enticing and readily available.
Approach with free abandon and curious hands.
Be a predator. Remove any unnecessary items of clothing. The only potential problem that could arise will occur when choosing topics of conversation. Don’t mention ex-boyfriends, health problems, or your imminent desire for babies

If the man is making the first move

The female form is mysterious, enticing and notoriously difficult to get hold of. Approach with caution.
Certain parts of the body should not be touched initially, like the breasts or bum. Instead, try lightly touching less intimate areas of the body- such as the upper arm, or the outer leg nearest to you.

The Kiss

If they haven’t rejected your advances so far, then you can start to feel more confident about stealing a kiss. For specific tips on kissing, watch VideoJug’s ‘How to kiss someone passionately’. It takes guts to go for a kiss, and if you are feeling out of your comfort zone, try to relax, as lack of confidence is rarely attractive to the opposite sex. Maintain eye contact, lean in and pause when your faces are close but not touching, to allow the other person space to escape or, hopefully, lean in too.

Getting A Date: How To Make The First Move

Listen to her

Girls like to talk a lot, about things you don’t really understand such as shopping, makeup, and feelings. It’s important to seem interested no matter how confused you are because girls value communication above all things. If you do lose the thread, and she suddenly demands a response, here are a few phrases that may come in useful: “What an interesting story!” or “I can’t believe it, tell me again- in more detail” or if all else fails- “oh sorry, I was just thinking about how much I love you.”

Love her friends and family

No matter how great you think you are, you’re not the only person in her life. Her family and friends are also important to her. Remember key facts about them, such as their names - so you avoid saying things like ‘oh her, the fat one with the hair’

Try and make them your friends too. This way, when you screw up and she runs crying to them, you’ve got someone on the inside. Remember hell hath no fury like a woman’s friends.

Be a man

In the olden days, it was all about be a mans man, then it was briefly about being a woman’s man, now its about being the perfect man. The operative word here is ‘man’.
Sure you can carry her bag, open doors, and pump iron,
But can you be supportive and facilitate her ability to achieve? Has she got a new job? Give her a call. Has she written a poem? Read it. And if she’s afraid of the dark? Be the one who turns on the light.

In the bedroom

When it comes to bedtime, and matters of the night you need to be play your woman like a piano - you can play a soft sonata, some freeform jazz, or a drive time power ballad. Whatever song she’s in the mood for, play it well and you’re bound to get an encore.

Surprise her

Take her out for dinner! Buy her some flowers! If it’s been a good month treat her to a mini-break! This last option is fantastic, as it gives her ample opportunity to reward you.

Be hygienic

The perfect man is the wind beneath her wings not the wind beneath the duvet. Be respectful, contain and disguise your bodily odours. She does it, why can’t you?
Shower regularly, always brush your teeth and stay well groomed.

Top Tip: Deodorant is for after the shower, not instead of it.

Be faithful

If you’re with this girl it’s for a reason, decide early if you’re serious about her, and then never ever mess around.

THE LOVE STORY: How To Be The Perfect Boyfriend

Relax your standards

The perfect girlfriend is not a plastic doll. While you should endeavour to maintain your femininity, once in a while let your guard down: eat like a pig, slouch around, or leave the washing up. You can even surprise him be getting him to pull your finger. This way he will feel comfortable in your presence, and you in his.

But make an effort

With this in mind, remember that it is important to make an effort and sometimes dress up special. We know it’s not practical all the time, but he’ll appreciate it, and you’ll feel more attractive.

Massage his ego

when he first lost his way back to the cave. Make your boyfriend feel good about himself - even if he is getting in your way- let him be useful and tell him he’s great. Don’t nag him into submission, as there is nothing sexy about a downtrodden man.
You know the bed’s not made properly, but congratulate him on having a go. You know that isn’t an omelette, but it contains eggs doesn’t it? So well done him!

Feed him

Like it or not, the old adage is true - the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. You don’t have to cook, but keep your local takeaway on speed dial. Remember if your boyfriend is hungry, his attention will shift suddenly from you to the fridge. Don’t take it personally, it’s primal. Symptoms of hunger to look out for include: grumpiness, slightly flared nostrils or he may appear to be hunting. If he gets like this, don’t suggest salad.

Give him space

A man’s friends are important to him, and so is his ability to spend time with them, where he will do male activities like growling, fighting and measuring things, simple pursuits that confuse a complex female mind. Allow him the space to maintain these relationships. Let him roam, and when he comes home he’ll be ready to spend quality time with you.

Listen to him

Men enjoy explaining things. Be it the mechanics of bridges, why Sean Connery’s the best Bond, or the complexities of the offside rule, even if he’s being patronising allow him his airtime, and he will then shut up, leaving you to enjoy the peace and quiet of a loving and giving relationship.

In the bedroom

When it comes to bedtime and matters of the night, your needs may be different. Sex is a simple matter for him: he wants it, whenever, wherever. Never put out if you aren’t in the mood, but do accept he always will be, and don’t tell him off because he finds you devastatingly attractive all of the time. And if you really don’t fancy it, just distract him with beer.

THE LOVE STORY: How To Be The Perfect Girlfriend